At blu UK, we think it’s fair to say that our e-cigs have proved themselves to be the rods of vape-based splendour we create them to be. Slick, slender design, fuss-free, it’s a pretty uncomplicated device.
However, from time to time, we do get letters asking about some potential new features…
‘Dear blu UK,
The light sabre button on my Pro Kit doesn’t seem to be working.
Am I missing something?’
Let us clear that up for you, DarthVaper87, with a handy ‘stick-on-the-fridge’ list of everything your e-cig isn’t (yet).
Remember that laser pen you bought in Majorca for a laugh in 1998? We’ll bet someone called Dave told you it could stave off an intergalactic attack or slice an apple in half. What a disappointment when all you managed with it was to play chase with a cat or two.
Put aside a similar shade of discontent for using your e-cig as a torch in a late night rummage for your house-keys. It will only end in frustration.
Miniature dry ice machine
Picture this: Boyz II Men announce ANOTHER reunion. Everything good and golden in 1990’s soul has returned for one evening of snapbacks and silken harmonies. They open to rapturous applause from thousands of screaming fans. It’s almost perfect… until a thin, wispy vanilla scented layer of vapour drifts over from 50 pairs of stage-hands’ lungs instead of dry ice.
For the love of Louis Walsh, think of all the sad boy bands.
The Old Grey e-cig Test. Doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it? Whistles are for sheepdog emergencies and tyrannical football referees. You don’t want to be stranded in a dinghy off the coast of Somalia with just your Pro Kit fastened to your life jacket. The rescue helicopter will just think you’re a vaper on an oversized li-lo. If that doesn’t put you off, consider setting a Border Collie on a flock of bewildered sheep with just an e-cig to control them. It’s a farmyard fiasco we’d all like to avoid.
The sonic screwdriver was a trusty tool of space- and time-travelling Doctor Who, and was as deft at blowing up landmines as it was dealing with locks. However, try doing the same with your e-cigarette. It’s a recipe for embarrassment. On top of this, you can’t travel in time or space. How could you? You don’t even own a TARDIS. It was never going to work; face it.
We haven’t just tacked on an ‘e’ at the start of the word cigarette for sheer exoticism; like when someone puts ‘Von’ at the start of their surname to sound more like a member of Central European aristocracy (people do that, right?).
Yeah, they share similarities, but the two are quite different. For starters, you don’t have to suffer from prolonged SAS (Smoking Area Solitude), you can choose from a selection of fruity and delicious flavours (Cherry, anyone?!). Then there’s the fact they provide great value for money too.
What your e-cig is!
So there you have it. Your comprehensive guide to everything you’re e-cig isn’t.
As a great philosopher probably said sometime somewhere, knowing what something isn’t is the same as knowing what it is. Enjoy your e-cig aware that it’s the sensation of vaping without any ash, whistling, dry ice or being chased frantically through a field of sheep by a Border Collie. Just enjoy our great flavours.